REPAIR- A VITAL KEY TO GOOD COMMUNICATION & CONNECTION
Good communication leads to deep bonding and a sense of trust, safety and belonging.
It is essential to clear up the miscommunications or hurtful impactful moments in your relationships. Emotional scar tissue builds on top of old wounds with silence or repetition. Empathy and connection can not happen in this tight field. These hardened patterns, unconscious and conscious, can be re-wired. It is challenging to move into positive rapport with someone when there is something left unprocessed and still charged with resentments or distrust.
Repairing is the key to communication and relationship.
It is not about doing it perfectly, rather, it is about committing to return to a resonant heart-field in yourself and with the other.
One key is clearing up the issues. Finding out the others’ reality and sharing your own reality, and when possible finding some shared reality and/or shared goals. When done skillfully, this kind of sharing builds bridges of understanding and compassion.
Somatic interventions are impactful as they allow the body to tell us exactly what is happening as well as help the mind and body to act as a team. Somatic therapy is a deep and efficient process.
Looking at the attachment patterns between the individuals is essential to bringing empathy and understanding back into the system. If one person tends to avoid and withdraw and the other person tends to be anxious, the people will be communicating in a style that amplifies their attachment styles causing more discord. It is by addressing these styles and the needs that are present, that will allow for communication that can be heard by the other and thus processed.
Re- doing the impactful moment in a way that you would have liked to, whether by using visualization or through dialogue and action is valuable.
It gives your emotional body and your nervous system a way to move past the negative impact and find a different pattern to live by.
Sometimes an apology is needed. The most believable apology is one done through action. Finding the action that works for the particular situation is essential and with atonement, forgiveness happens naturally and repairing the relationship becomes priority.
Rather than allowing the lingering trauma pattern to get further ingrained, the story gets freed, and a healing experience takes its place. This deep listening to both your needs and the others needs will shift the dynamic in your relationship back to one of trust. Speaking in terms of feelings and your needs that are met and/or unmet along with asking for clear requests, is a vital communication skill. Marshall Rosenburg’s work on nonviolent communication outlines it very well.
Healthier communication pathways and agreements can be made. I will support you to make agreements you can stand behind, fostering a sense of integrity, strength and safety.
Sometimes communication gets so convoluted due to the length of lack of repair and emotional scar tissue and/or the magnitude of the issues. When things spiral, it is often an indicator that there are trauma patterns at work that have not been addressed. It may take time to unravel at a wise pace the issues at hand, but it is possible and will lead to a resonant healing field that will serve you to release the past and bring your energy fully into the present.
Healthy communication methods will be shared and role played so you leave feeling secure in your capacity to communicate better than when you came in!